


Just a Little Snack

by notquiteascrazy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Simon Lewis, Crack, Humor, I don't know what this is TBH, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Seelie Court, Tags Are Hard, magnus to the rescue, references to blowjobs, seelie laws, seelies are tricksy, simon is a horny drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:01:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24759751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notquiteascrazy/pseuds/notquiteascrazy
Summary: Simon starts disappearing for days at a time and Clary is determined to work out whyOr Simon has a one night stand with unexpected consequences
Relationships: Clary Fray & Simon Lewis, Simon Lewis/OMC
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Just a Little Snack

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I don't really have an explanation for this but anyway... Here we are. never eat anything the fairies offer you is clearly the lesson here
> 
> Thanks to @HopeSilverheart for beta'ing & teaching me about punctuation coz I failed to pay attention in school :')
> 
> Want to chat to other Malec fans? Come hang out in the [Malec Discord Server](https://discord.gg/5nBgEp8)!

“Guys, have you guys heard from Simon? His phone has been going straight to voicemail for two days and I’m kinda worried.” Clary tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, pacing back and forth, and chewing at the skin around her thumb.

“Relax, I’m sure he’s just watching Star Battles or whatever,” Jace replied with certainty, completely unphased by her agitation.

“But Maia hasn’t heard from him either and he _always_ spams her with messages when he’s watching Star Wars.”

Izzy came over and wrapped her arm around Clary, offering her comfort. “I’m sure he’s fine. If you’re really worried, why don’t you use a tracking rune?”

“I already tried that but it didn’t work. I’m worried that he might be dead. Well, more dead.” Clary said, her voice breaking at the thought of what harm may have befallen her best friend.

Izzy pulled her in closer, letting Clary tuck her head into the crook of her neck as she sobbed. Jace awkwardly watched on, not knowing how to comfort her when he didn’t really care about Simon anyway. The guy was a dork. An annoying dork!

Clary’s phone buzzed in her hand and she pulled back from Izzy’s embrace with a sad little sniffle. “It’s him,” her expression immediately brightened. Hitting the answer button she immediately greeted him “Simon! Where the hell have you been? Are you ok? What happened to you?”

_“Relax Fray, I’m fine, I just had a lot going on this weekend. But I’m around now, wanna hang out?”_

~~A few weeks later~~

“Hey Raphael, have you heard from Simon?”

_“Dios mia, what am I? His babysitter?”_

“Well, have you seen him this weekend? He’s missing. Again!”

_“I have not. Nor do I keep tabs on his comings and goings. Now is that everything?”_

“Yes, sorry to bother you.” Clary hung up, looking deflated.

“No sign I take it?” Izzy asked from where she was relaxing on her bed, reading a magazine.

“No. I just don’t understand it. This is like the third time he’s gone missing now.” Clary paced up and down the length of Izzy’s room, arms flailing as she spoke with frustration. “I just don’t get it. Why would he do this and why won’t he tell me where he keeps disappearing to? It’s not like he needs to hide anything from me! I know all his secrets. Even about the time he wet himself in 6th grade,” she paused and shot a worried look at Izzy. “Wait, please never let him know I told you about that.” Pacing resumed, she quickly got back on track. “You know what, I’m going to call him again.”

Again, the call went straight to his voicemail. Gritting her teeth, Clary waited for the beep before practically yelling: “Simon Lewis, what the hell do you think you are playing at? I don’t care what the hell you are doing with your weekends but you will damn well tell me. You can’t just disappear and expect none of us to care. As soon as you turn your phone back on I will be hunting you down and you will explain _everything_ ,” she emphasised the last word with a snarl before tacking on a softer “I hope you’re ok” to the end and hanging up.

“Feel better?” Izzy asked with a grin.

“Not really.” Clary flopped down on the end of the bed and stared at the ceiling. “Why is my best friend a complete idiot?!”

~~

The next evening, following an apologetic text from Simon, Clary met him in the park. Sitting on a bench by a fountain Simon at least had the good grace to look ashamed of his repeated disappearing acts.

“Why couldn’t we just meet at the institute? Or the Hunters Moon if you wanted fewer shadowhunters around?”

“I didn’t want to risk anyone overhearing, ok?” Simon mumbled, pressing his chin to his chest and refusing to make eye contact.

“You’ve had me really worried you know? Whatever it is that’s going on, surely it can’t be so bad that you can’t tell me? Maybe I can even help you if you tell me?”

“No one can help me,” Simon groaned, covering his face with his hands.

Clary grabbed his hands and peeled them away from his face to clasp them in hers, turning her body towards him. “Please, just talk to me”

“Ok, ok. But you’re not allowed to judge me.”

“I won’t judge you. But depending on what it is, how about some light teasing?” Clary asked, trying to prompt a smile.

“Light teasing is fine. But you’re not allowed to tell anyone ok? Especially not other shadowhunters. If any of them found out it would be a nightmare.”

“Pinky swear?” Clary offered, waggling her finger in front of Simon.

He quickly clasped it with his own pinky and gave it a brief shake before sighing out “Fiiiine. I’ll tell you. So it started like six weeks ago, I was hanging out with Maia while she was working and I got pretty drunk. Anyway, this seelie guy came over and started talking to me. He was pretty hot and like I said, I was drunk.”

Clary resisted the temptation to interject a juvenile comment about Simon ‘getting some’, this was clearly not the time.

“So we hung out a bit, did some shots, the usual. Anyway, closing time rolled around and he invited me home with him. I could hardly take him back to the Jade Wolf so I went back to his realm with him.”

“So you’re seeing a seelie? That’s the big secret?” Clary asked, confused by the purpose of Simon’s tale and the need for secrecy.

“No. Well, sort of. I guess. In a way?” Simon’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I don’t really know how to explain it. Also, without oversharing. Is it weird to talk to your best friend slash ex about sex stuff?”

“Only if you make it weird,” she nudged him with her shoulder, smiling.

“OK. So, we went back to his place in the Seelie Realm, turns out Leo’s a knight of the Seelie Court.”

“Wait, you hooked up with a seelie called Leo? That’s the most normal name I’ve heard for a seelie, ever.”

“Well his full name is Leovalur but, yeah I just call him Leo.”

“Cute,” she teased, trying to encourage Simon to relax even just a little bit.

He glared at her before continuing his story. “So, we’re back at his place and stuff gets hot, y’know? And so we’re making out and things start getting more involved. Well, it’s only polite when someone invites you into their home to make them feel good. So I uh, I gave him a blowjob. And uh, well it was clearly good, so umm.” If vampires could flush, Simon’s face would have been crimson by this point. He mumbled something further.

“What was that? I didn’t understand you.”

“I swallowed ok, Fray. Happy now?” He buried his face back in his hands.

“Good for you?” Clary questioned. “I’m really not following where this is going at all.”

“I hate explaining this stuff.” Simon groaned again. “It’s an ancient law of the seelies. If you consume anything within their realm, you’re trapped there forever. Only I didn’t exactly have a full meal, just a little snack,” Simon smirked, prompting Clary to give him a friendly punch to the arm.

“So you’re not trapped there… But that’s where you’ve been disappearing to, right?”

“You make it sound like a bad thing. It’s not the worst. But yeah, once I realised what was going on I was pretty freaked out. But Leo was pretty cool about the whole thing. Sorted it so it was only two days a week I was obligated to be there. I mean, sure it would be nice to not spend my weekends in another dimension but Leo’s hot. And he’s not too insufferable, for a seelie. I can mostly avoid the queen and the other knights. We just spend our time in his bed, really.”

Clary snorted at the implication. “And how long do you have to continue with these visits?”

“Forever.”

“You’re a vampire, Simon. Forever is a really long time for an immortal!”

“I know, I know. But the seelies scare the shit out of me. At least this way I get some great sex and I don’t have the Seelie Queen hunting me down again. I don’t need to remind you of the mess last time she got annoyed at us.”

“C’mon, we need to go see Magnus.” Clary stood, pulling at Simon’s arm to encourage him to move.

“No, please. You promised not to tell anyone.”

“I promised not to tell anyone else, but you can tell him. Magnus has known the seelies for hundreds of years. He’ll be able to get you out of this.”

~~

After Magnus had finished laughing at Simon’s misfortune, he had indeed known what to do. So now, the three of them found themselves sitting around a large stone table decorated with delicate vines with Simon’s Seelie paramour. In the distance they could hear the joviality of other members of the Seelie court, but they had been granted a private area to conduct their negotiations.

“So, you have deemed that the appropriate payment for consuming approximately 3 mL of liquid in this realm is for Simon here to give up two days a week for the remainder of his immortal life? I.e. forever,” Magnus asked, his tone incredulous. He threw a slight smirk in Simon’s direction.

Simon was just impressed that Magnus was actually using his name, rather than any of the nicknames he tended towards.

“The rules of the Seelie Realm are simple and few, but important nonetheless,” the knight answered.

“Leovalur, you know as well as I do that these rules still have room for negotiation when it comes to the enforcement. I appreciate that you allowed him five days a week to go about his normal life, but this still seems excessive. I have also never heard of Seelies enforcing the rules for consumption of a sexual nature and I am certain that you are not the first Seelie to engage in oral sex.” Magnus clasped his hands on the table in front of him. “Are you sure this is merely about enforcing the rules?”

“The vampire chose to knowingly consume the produce of the Seelie Realm,” was the only answer Leo offered.

Clary snorted inelegantly at the description, Magnus shooting her a glare to not disrupt proceedings.

“Simon was merely offering a polite thanks to his host for the evening, in the form of mutual pleasure. Would you really punish him for such an act?”

“As I have said, we have few rules but those we have…”

“Yes, yes. I know, you enforce them.” Magnus interrupted with a wave of dismissal. “You’re being rather evasive with my questions, it’s getting quite tiresome. I forgot how infuriating you Seelies could be when skirting the truth.”

“We cannot lie Magnus, you know this,” Leo responded, a glint of something mischievous in his eye.

“No, but you are well versed in avoiding direct answers,” Magnus countered. “I can see we’re not going to get anywhere discussing what has already occurred. So let’s focus on the future of this arrangement. Are you willing to acknowledge that the ‘crime’ of consuming such a small amount of the realm’s produce, to use your terminology, is not worthy of sacrificing over a quarter of one’s life? Which, need I remind you, for a vampire is over a quarter of eternity. Was Simon’s performance that disappointing?”

“On the contrary, I found his company delightful and well, he knows my thoughts on his skills,” Leo nodded his head in gratitude in Simon’s direction.

“I think I’m starting to understand what’s going on here. Could it be, Leo, that you were so enamoured with dear Simon that you invoked an ancient Seelie law to ensure that you would continue to enjoy his company?” Magnus asked.

“The vampire does have his charms,” was the only response Leo gave, though he did throw a wink in Simon's direction.

“In which case, I have heard all I need to hear. Simon will visit with you for a final time this weekend - six weeks of the arrangement should more than cover the ‘produce’ he unknowingly consumed. If you wish to see him for further ‘interactions’ you may court him the mundane way”

Leo merely nodded his head, eyes never leaving Simon’s face.

“Simon, Clary, we should be getting going.”

The trio stepped through a portal back into Central Park, and Magnus dusted off an imaginary speck of dust from the arm of his deep purple jacket.

“You owe me, Sherwin.”

Simon was never going to live this down.


End file.
